Stones and Bones

So, settled back in VA after my Tucson cycling adventure, the daily grind continues.  Sometimes I feel like my daily schedule is overwhelming.  I can, at times, barely keep above water.  5:30am swim, 8am work, 6pm 2nd workout, eat, unpack, repack, sleep, repeat. Sometimes cramming 2 workouts in before 8am...  But, this is my life and my choice and so I somehow keep pace (barely).  Every now and then I get a little sign to slow down (i.e. hip stress reaction, and I'll get to the second thing in just a minute….hint hint).  Whether I choose to recognize the sign is another story but I feel like I'm getting better or at least have come a long way.  I'd kill for the chance to train and race professionally, truly having every and all opportunities to do this right but I've got bills, a husband, student loans etc and quite frankly I'm not competitive enough to make a living doing this triathlon thing for now maybe ever.  The important thing for me is to balance, the best way I can, budget time, resources etc to make it work!

Training on the bike and swimming has been going well.  After gaining some fitness in Tucson, we've upped game on intensity and wattage on the bike.  I'm enjoying the challenge of holding higher watts, heart rates on the bike.   I've been swimming with the Coast Guard Blue Dolphins National team (aka high schoolers) on saturdays that are sure kicking my arse for a smooth 2 hours plus a 30min circuit set at the end with parachutes, cords, pull-ups, pushups, lunges, brick squats etc. OUCH.  These kids rock!

Working on my position on the SHIV, thanks to Dave Luscan at DL multisport.  The challenge for smaller riders is getting low enough in the front for an aggressive position.   Taking advantage of the retul system, we've narrowed down where I'm comfortable, tweaking the front end a bit.  Waiting on a set of new extensions and bringing in the elbow pads in on my Shimano missile pro aerobar will make all the difference.  Thanks Dave!

Now on to this week.  I've been using a tool to measure HRV (heart rate variability).  Some of you may be familiar with this so I won't go in to a whole explanation…..but it's a tool to measure objectively fatigue i.e.. you are given a number based on a 1min snapshot of your heart rate first thing in the morning.  Essentially a low number means you need more rest, maybe dehydrated, fatigued from previous workout etc.  High number means you are pretty fresh and expect to rip it in your workout.  Coach may want you to be at low number and train then rest and watch the numbers rise, just depends on the plan.

Anyways….noticed a whole week of LOW numbers i.e. 40s-50s and we weren't quite sure what to make of it.  Looked to back off a couple of days and see if a rebound would happen.  Started to get a little flank pain on the right and initially thought it was a pulled muscle.  Wednesday after swim pretty painful but not unbearable.  Ended up getting pretty intense in the O.R. thursday (at work) to the point I turned green with sweats and chills.  My boss sent me down to the ER (how embarrassing).  Luckily they took really great care of me.  Diagnosis: Multiple kidney stones.  SERIOUSLY?   2014 seems to be the year of ailments and I swear I don't make this stuff up.   Some IV toradol (NSAIDS) and a liter of fluids and I was back in action.  

Key take home points:
1.  Drink a lot (of water)- I'm terrible at this but getting better
2.  I'm working and training my butt off- this is hard
3.  My shiv is awesome, but not quite ready, luckily I love my road bike
4.  Swimming with high schoolers is fun and humbling- locker room conversations are interesting
5.  I don't want another kidney stone ever
6.  Oh yeah, and I did my first 10min run!!! yay

Onward
M

Tucson Training Adventure

Where to start..... well, first off, the 4th annual Linsey Corbin Tri camp was a success.  My second camp in attendance, it did not disappoint.  With initial doubts about my recent hip injury, I was tentative to book my flight but once I did, I committed myself to having fun no matter what.

Tucson, AZ has to be one of my favorite places on this planet.  There is just something that takes over me out west.  I feel like I"m meant to be out there.  The beauty of the land is overwhelming.  The friends, experiences and sense of being alive makes my heart smile.  I know at some point I'll end up out west whether it be Cali, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Montana.  The mountains are calling my name!!

The Cycling House is an amazing concept.  Read about it here.  www.Thecyclinghouse.com.  Essentially, all logistics of rides are dialed in, accommodations and food are amazing.  The experience is well worth it for a week of challenging training.  The staff are well traveled, friendly and really create a family like atmosphere.  I was so excited to see everyone again this second trip and make more great memories ie epic battles up Mt Lemmon, time trials around gates pass and hammer fests up Madera Canyon.

My favorite part of the trip minus the climbing (love to climb!) were the Tucson sunsets.  The most inspiring view, Ukulele playing in the background, a cold beverage and mountains you can't take your eyes off.  There are few times in normal every day life you stop and enjoy the little things.

With a sense of accomplishment I leave Tucson....until next time.  Plotting our next adventure...

1 month down...

Well, I hate to admit that the time has flown by, but 4 weeks without running hasn't been quite as bad as expected.  For one, the weather plain old stinks!   Record lows, wind, wind chill, snow….yuck!  If you know me at all, I absolutely HATE the winter.  I would take 100deg temps all year round rather then wear a coat, gloves, etc etc.   So with that said, I'm totally not missing running in this …..looking at the positive side?

I've had time to focus on swimming, biking, strength, aqua jogging.  Over the last week, I've added the elliptical.  Not bad eh?

The picture you may ask….Arizona!!!!  I leave Tuesday for the annual Linsey Corbin Camp.   Looking forward to reconnecting with some great friends, incredible weather, delicious food and hard riding.  Got the ok from doc thankfully and booked my ticket!

More from AZ to come…

M

1 Week Down/ Conquering the Dreaded Aqua Jog

I'm proud to admit I've completed 7 whole days on crutches at the advise of my orthopedic surgeon (see previous post for explanation of hip injury).  I begrudgingly agreed after a long discussion about what actually constitutes "pain with weight bearing".  The first few days took a bit to get used to i.e. sore armpits, wrist pain, remembering how to stuff crutches into the passenger seat of my car, how to carry things in two fingers etc but it came back slowly.

Luckily work was great at accommodating my needs and I was able to sit in the office doing desk work instead of seeing patients.  I've never been one to sit behind a desk on the computer (my attention span is way too low and I applaud those who can do this) but I welcomed the change of pace and chance to heal properly.

After three days on crutches the pain in my right hip diminished significantly.  Its funny how perspective changes the minute you aren't constantly nagged by discomfort.  My mood elevated almost immediately, no longer did it feel like doomsday and I could come up with a plan for moving forward.  It's easy to talk about rehab and "ok, I can bike, swim blah blah" but when you are in pain you truly don't feel motivated to do it.  As soon as I felt good it was like a light switch…."ok, what's next, what's the plan".

I'm swimming 5 days this week and probably for the next couple of weeks.  My masters program is amazing and I feel so lucky to have this group.  Group is about 15 or so mixture of fitness enthusiasts, ex college swimmers, triathletes and those entering the sport later in life.  We are coached by Coast Guard Blue Dolphins Swim Team head coach, Steve Hennessy who is one of the best coaches I've had.  Not only has he coached olympic trials level swimmers but he has a unique way of understanding the needs of each swimmer and their needs.  We are blessed to have his expertise on deck.  We talked about me joining the high school group on saturdays yikes ;)  I'll definitely update a post on getting my *ss handed to me!

An update on aqua jogging:  success!  I've managed to turn red in the pool, anaerobic and exhausted.  Whoa! Coach Steve (as mentioned above) wrote a specific workout for me today as follows:  For those injured, this is a must save:

400 warm up as 100s, 200 kick/drill, 100 swim
800 skps (swim kick pull swim)

3x ( 100- 25drill/50swim build/25kick
     ( 100 descend

5min of aqua jogging w/ belt as 30sec sprint/ 30 easy

200 swim

3 sets of x   (3x   (40sec sprint aqua jog w/ belt/ 20 easy))

200 swim

10x 25 sprint aqua jog w/o belt on 1:00

200 swim easy

It was hard, cheeks were red.  I learned it is important to focus on high knees, toes up and working the core.  It also helps to have a coach on deck yelling out the intervals and screaming (encouraging) me to move faster!!

I'll keep the updates coming in case there is someone out there with a similar problem that may find this advice helpful!

Best
M

Not so great 2014 news

Well, I've delayed posting an update.  Not because I didn't want to admit I'm injured again, but because I didn't see my doctor until Thursday and wanted to wait to hear the "verdict" before I got carried away with worry doubt and fear.

I have a "stress reaction" in my right hip (femoral neck), which is the distant, but not very distant cousin of the stress fracture.  Ouch, sounds bad, yes it's painful but not as painful as I recall my knee injury was 2 years ago.  It all started about 3-4 weeks ago,  a hard treadmill session of intervals and the sense later that day that I had pulled a hip flexor.  The weeks went by, pain would wax and wane.  Eventually pain was present at the beginning of the run, would disappear (enough to run 10miles) then reappear after.  I was limping, I was trying to stretch, foam roll, be religious about taking vitamin D……but in the back of my mind I knew this could be something worse….

Given my history of stress fractures I contacted my orthopedist…pulled some strings to get an apt ASAP and had an MRI on New Years eve (happy new year to me right?).  My doc called that night and gave me the news.  Crutches for 10 days -2 weeks or until I have no pain with weight bearing.  No running for 6-8 weeks.  DANG.

When you are injured, and I am more frequently than healthy, you go through stages.  Denial…."this is just a pulled muscle", "it's not that bad", to anger/frustration- "what the heck, I'm only running 25miles/week".  "if I didn't have this darn full time job on my feet, I could recover like a normal athlete", to sadness " I can't do this again".  to acceptance- "ok, maybe 2 weeks on crutches, not bad" and "I've not run for almost 2 years and I got it back, I can wait 8 weeks, no big deal".

I've done crutches before and it SUCKS.   Let's just get to the bottom line.  Imagine holding two rigid sticks under your arm pits, contracting your triceps all day.  Not being able to:  make your own food, stand in the shower, put your clothes on standing, carry any bag or plate, cup, getting around a store, cleaning your own house (ok, well crutches might be good for this one example).  But the list goes on and on…..you are pretty much useless and helpless.  I don't find that fun.   When your life is about planning how to cram 3 workouts in and a full time job, time is of the essence …..when it takes you 4x as long to do anything with crutches the formula falls apart.  

Well, I'm forced to slow down…..I've rehashed some things with my coach.  I was running 98%of my runs on trail and when daylight was dwindling, sunset at 5p and parks were closed after work I transitioned all my runs to pavement - leaving that small detail out to my coach.  80% of my runs became pavement.  My knee felt great and that was all I was concerned about.  Of course it doesn't help do do a hard treadmill session with intervals then racing to work (standing) in the Operating Room for 12-14 hours.  Doesn't leave much time for recovery.

I'm not blaming any one thing, it was probably a combination of speed, pavement and lack of recovery but all I can do is learn and move forward.  Focus on the positive….I can bike (indoors), I can swim YAY.  I can do upper body strengthening.  In a few weeks I can hit the elliptical.  I can aqua jog (does anyone else hate this….so boring).

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  If anyone knows how to come back from injury I surely can write a book.  I've done it before and I'll do it again……Pick up the crutches and carry on….stay calm.

My coach said something that really stuck with me.  When you get to the elite level you are trying to find ways to push an athlete to be the best, you try a recipe that might work and sometimes you take a big risk, it doesn't always initially work, you get injured.  You try again….

M

New York New York

This Thanksgiving we decided to spend more than the actual day with our extended family on Long Island NY.  Pt. Lookout is near and dear to my heart.  As a kid we spent many a weekends, holidays and summers visiting the beach.  Probably the number one reason I LOVE the beach!   Some of my fondest childhood memories involve endless play outdoors, walking without shoes to the beach, outdoor showers, salt, sand, Marybeth's ice cream truck and LOTS of laughter.  My dad's two sisters live next door to each other, 2 houses from the bay and 2.5 blocks to the ocean.  I spent 2 summers in between semesters at Penn State living with my Aunt and Uncle + 5 cousins and absolutely enjoyed every minute.

 I let my coach know that priorities were family this week and we planned accordingly.

We headed up to my parent's in Wilmington DE wednesday evening.   Lanie styled my hair along the way ps- my scalp is still tender.

Great dinner with the fam.  Got to meet my youngest sister's beau (who happens to resemble clark kent).

Dad and I on our way to Bwine Creek state XC course Thanksgiving morning

Thanksgiving day was spent in Summit NJ at my Uncle Gene and Aunt Michelle's house.  My 93yo Grandfather flew in from Ohio to make a special visit.  Lots of laughter, great food, our annual turkey bowl football game, LOTS of red wine and fun was had by all.

lanie new BFF

Lanie and Carlyn

Penny!

Uncle Bobby

Games began shortly after desert which included "Left Right Center".  Lanie won 40$ followed by "the plank off".  My Aunt Connie's previous record of 3:45min was challenged.  Heat 1 included my Aunt Liz- ok, a little back story.  My Aunt liz >50yo has 4 kids one of which has cerebral palsy.  She is a BEAST!  She sure gave me a run for my money.  at 4:45min we were both shaking, family is cheering as I hear from Anthony  "don't let me down"....others shouting "Aunt liz looks so good, Michelle is crumbling".  at 4:50 Aunt Liz relented, and I did as soon as I grabbed the win.  Holy cow she is strong!

Aunt Michelle, Aunt Kathy, Aunt Lauren, Dad, Grandpa, Aunt Connie , Aunt Liz

Left Right Center

We later headed to Long Island that evening.  Recap, good convo and wine ensued until nearly 1am.  Uncle bobby with a fire in the fireplace and a "thimble" of wine provided the ambiance.

Friday's activities included a walk on the beach with Duke and Daisy the pups followed by a hike on Fire Island.  We even climbed the Light House!  Awesome views although frigid temps.  We warmed up upon our return with another fire in the fireplace, the lumineers on Pandora, Red wine and Pizza.  I truly love my New York family!  We are so blessed to have these people in our lives.  Thanks to Aunt Kathy and Aunt Lauren who took such good care of us this visit!

We headed home Saturday (8hr drive).  Essentially I was staring sideways the entire trip to avoid shrieking in fear as Anthony weaved in and out of traffic at 80mph.  No use in looking, I'll end up sore by the end of the trip from tensing up.

Well, today was back to the grind. Long run followed by bike, house chores, shopping etc.

Hope everyone had a great holiday......cheers

Where I was and where I'm going....

My Story,

It's hard to think 2 years ago I was faced with the thought I'd never race, run, or perhaps comfortably walk again.  The pain, anguish, heartache, fear and regret is palpable if I take a minute to stop and really think about the place I was in.

It all started with a little hint of knee pain just prior to my first Ironman, in lake Placid.  Some swelling was present but most notably pain initially when I ran and after my workout followed by intense sharp pain walking up and down the stairs.

Against better judgement I pressed forward with Ironman although I did shed some tears on the bike, was unable to stand and shuffled through the marathon unable to then walk for the following week.  The sense of dread was overwhelming.....did I just seal my fate?  Kona was out.  The disappointment deeply depressing....

MRI revealed a condylar defect (cartilage on the end of the femur) had torn a dime sized crater revealing the underlying bone.  A large stress fracture was present in the distal femur through the shaft (edema in the bone from repetitive stress).

For crying out loud, I was doing orthopedic surgery at the time and didn't pick up on the symptoms.....or couldn't recognize them in my state of determination that season.

Surgery January 2012- the dreaded microfracture procedure, 2+months nonweightbearing.  I can remember waking from anesthesia to see the arthroscopic pictures like a horror film, assessing the damage to the knee.

Doctor's response was encouraging but tentative.....hopefully this would work.  Could I run again?  maybe.  Would my knee ever be the same? probably not.  I spent the next two weeks on the couch, in the continuous passive range of motion machine staring at the ceiling, crying frequently, feeling quite sorry for myself at times, but in another sense, relief that action was taken to get better.  this COULD give me  a chance.....and that's what you've got to believe.....

I can remember my first PT sessions with my alway encouraging and optimistic trainer who put me to work with upper body and abs.  She introduced me to Postural Restoration which is a technique to restore neutral skeletal position by restoring neuromuscular imbalances that have occurred with overuse and
repetitve activity.

I can remember like a picture snapshot in my brain, my first 10minute spin on the stationary bike, oh how that felt like sweet victory!

Floyd Mayweather says "HARD WORK takes Dedication".  He might be a bit of a character but in the back of my mind, that was my mantra.  Every early morning doing an hours worth of prehab exercises, 8 agonizing weeks without the ability to place my foot on the floor, each night laying in bed with worry and fear, the blood, sweat and tears that followed a near 1 and a half year break teaches you a lot about yourself.  Are you going to lay down and give up?  This was a constant struggle within myself.  I almost hated myself for not being able to decide.   Recover and try to race, try to fulfill your dream of being a professional athlete?  or recover and move on with life?  maybe this is a sign that this was not my path in life.  I'll live a normal life and move on.  Sometimes its almost easier to just give in.....move on Michelle!

So I went on for the next year with the struggle....am I all IN or am I OUT?  My husband encouraged me daily convinced that all the work I'd done over the last year would pay off and he had this sense I would come back stronger and that there was no other way.  I had to commit myself fully and embrace the challenge.  who cares what the future holds, make a committment to go for it.

I decided to play it day by day.  After all, in 2011 my motivation did wax and wane a bit....I even considered taking a break to travel and spend more time with my husband. You can think those things but when the decision is made for you, you can't help but want it more.  I'd never been faced in life with " you can't do this" or "this is not a possibility".  If I worked hard enough I'd see success....in college, grad school, with athletics.  Now the rug had been pulled out beneath me......with me on the floor saying "wait, I didn't choose this".  

So I got back to the basics.....

I swam to swim, because I love it.  I biked hard on the trainer because I could and I loved to do 10min all out intervals until my legs wouldn't spin.  The satisfaction of all out riding took out some of the anger and frustration.  Slowly, daily, I let go.  I let go of the worry, the fear and I became ok with just working out for fun, because I loved to and I enjoyed myself.  I also knew the pain of not being able to swim or bike and I became grateful for what I could do.  It could all be gone in an instant.   Over the next year, my mood changed, elevated.  I went out west to Arizona then following to St. George and I soaked up some of the most gorgeous bike riding of my life.  A friend asked me......why are you training if you aren't going to race?   I simply said without question, because I love to ride my bike.  At that moment, it didn't matter anymore.   I didn't HAVE to race, I'd won.  I'd gotten back into shape wtihout running.  I  swam and rode because I loved to, and if I never ran or raced again I would be OK.  Sigh, relief.

Then I did something that would change the course or path of my life after I had already come to a certain conclusion.   I signed up for a race.   4 days before a local olympic distance, I decided to go for it.  without pressure or expectation.  Following that, I raced 5 more times in 2 months.  Unexpectedly, without pressing, worry, fear, and trusting my own abilities, I quietly and softly did what I thought at one point was impossible. I managed to again qualify to race professionally.   Dreams from 2-3 years ago rushed back, along with emotion.  This was the moment I thought was out of reach, and it suddenly, without expectation, presented itself.  TAKE IT.

So, I'll race professionally for 2014.  I won't be the fastest, I might be the slowest pro but in my mind I've already won. This is the icing on the cake.  This is a celebration of what I can do and throwing away the 2 years of worry about what I couldn't or didn't think I would do.   Taking chances......living in the moment.......making each day count.  Not living with regret...."if I just tried, maybe I might have".   Explore all opportunities, give yourself a chance.  Gratefulness.  

Now, once again..... this is not a struggle like those with serious medical conditions, cancer, I don't have a life threatening illness, my famiy and close friends are in good health.  I have all of my limbs.  My loved ones are safe.  I don't want it to sound like I really have no perspective.....all things considered, my injury does not compare.  I simply want to give an honest account of my own personal struggle, however small it may be, and how it has shaped the path of my life currently.   I hope it can somehow relate to others......and can be of sound advice.  This is my story....

Life is your oyster......find your pearl